The Planting Of My Flag…

“You have two choices in life”…

The words caused an ethereal perspective-warp on the distant horizon I was fixated on as we travelled through the vast mesmerising expanses of Namibia. This warp sent the horizon spinning and zooming into my imaginary future…I was only 9 years old.

“You could either get a job that makes you money or makes you happy” my mom started one of the numerous conversations we shared during a 4-week family holiday through Namibia. I vowed then that I would never do a job just to make money…I thought it noble to follow ones passion. Little did I realise then how significant this would become in this imagined future.

After school and completion of my mandatory military conscription, I was afforded the opportunity to pursue a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology which seemed both interesting and apart from being prestigious, had a better than average promise of a high income, two birds with a single stone. Depression however set in after only 3 months…eventually the penny dropped that I was dependant on being surrounded by Nature! Back to the drawing board it was and working as a guide at a game lodge became the quest.

Most of my formative years as a guide were spent in small and rustic bush-camps with walking as the main focus. 

Amenities were spartan and the overall experience a bit “rough around the edges”, but as a newbie I was just too happy to be afforded the privilege to guide.

Following the lead of other more experienced guides, I quickly adopted behaviours deemed acceptable at the time and being 20 years old, didn’t think much about much.

Gaining more experience and confidence, my sights started shifting “higher” to more luxurious and prestigious camps which cater for the rich and famous.

At this point I also started experiencing pangs of discomfort at witnessing (and until then contributing to) the unwitting, unnecessary abuse levelled at wildlife and nature by our ignorant conduct in pursuit of sharing this amazing bounty with our guests. 

What prompted this initial awakening was the year I spent doing habitat management during a guiding-hiatus forced by burn-out. Exchanging my Landy for a tractor, I dedicated myself to fixing erosion, relocating roads off sensitive to more resilient soils, maintaining artificial clearings and rehabilitating areas impacted due to off-road driving on vulnerable soils.

The lessons I learnt during this time were pivotal, as they led to a paradigm shift regarding the impact and consequences of guiding conduct and a growing need to take responsibility and be accountable.

First was observing how the scars from indiscriminate off-road driving eventually deteriorated into accelerated erosion, deep dongas and soil loss. There was also the residual evidence on the bush from off-road sightings from months earlier. 

Other incidents which struck very deep happened while mowing clearings with a slasher attached to the tractor. These clearings were basically artificial open areas to increase visibility and promote conducive conditions for grazers.

One morning I heard the repetitive thunking of the blades against something hard (a stump/rock?) hidden under a thick patch of grass I reversed into. I edged forward to determine the origin, only to find the butchered fragments of one of the largest leopard-tortoises I’d ever seen…it was too late…and this just because I wanted to manipulate nature to improve game-viewing…it took months to process this.

Much of the smaller more mobile wildlife hiding under the grass cover were disturbed and chased by the mower. Exploiting these enabling conditions, a little Lizard Buzzard raptor became a frequent companion and hanger-on of the tractor, belying their normal reclusive nature. One particularly beautiful morning the rotating blades sent a bushveld-gerbil scurrying from the tuft it was hiding in, straight into the talons of the buzzard not 10m from me! In my excitement I, shouting and pointing, swung around in my tractor seat only to realise that there was no-one to share this amazing spectacle with…it was then that I had to accept that I indeed NEED to share with others…hiatus terminated.

It was striking how the very same act of mowing, delivered both extremely painful, and joyous, emotional consequences…

My re-engagement with guiding was now influenced by the deeply tumultuous and pivotal awarenesses regarding not only the consequences of my actions on everything and everyone around me, but also my embracing of an innate desire to assist others in accessing the same connective energy I felt with nature. Invigorated with this new fervour, I was however wholly unaware of another critical, as yet undiscovered, piece of my puzzle.

During the following years I made the requisite moves to eventually land me at the most expensive and award winning group of camps…I had finally made it!

There was however a little twinge of doubt which surfaced within the first week as I didn’t quite feel part of a like-minded team, I was the odd-one out. This I put down to the age-gap and ignored it as I really wanted this to work due to the prestige and my fixation on the reportedly massive tips left by celebrities! 

Induction training saw us shadow other guides on drives and join guest meals to be familiarised with “the way”. During these, increasing discomfort and disillusionment eventually lead to a reconsideration of my priorities. I felt that the generally accepted relationship was that of TAKING from nature, instead of being receptive to and grateful for her generous gifting… *Read Asleep At The Wheel for more details.

With the above incompatibilities, suffocating pressure to conform to norms I no longer condoned and the stifling dress-code (long-sleeves AND SHOES!) it became patently clear that I definitely did not belong.

Where to from “the top”?

Realising that it was unrealistic to expect ethical congruence in external institutions/lodges, I looked internally, create it myself…Clearly Africa was born.

In order to survive as a self-employed private guide, I would have to target the discerning who appreciates quality and high standards and are willing to pay for it. Well heeled and classy, with a penchant for luxury…these are my future guests…well, so I thought…

I had still not discovered that missing piece of the puzzle.

With no reputation in the requisite circles, my private safaris started very slowly and were definitely not the “high-end” ones I envisioned. Knowing that I had to start somewhere, I just pressed ahead and through fortune and amazing people, gained a host of return guests now turned friends. In order to keep costs affordable, we frequented trails camps and cheap accommodations with a heavy focus on time spent out in nature. It was a deviation from my intended path, but a home-coming to my formative years which reignited fond memories and fostered a renewed appreciation for simplicity. 

Torn between my personal soul-food on the rustic side of the spectrum and the more lucrative “upper-end” guests and camps, there however was always a nagging, debilitating what if…

Subsequently I had the fortunate opportunity to guide enough high-end safaris to expensive luxury camps throughout Southern and East Africa to once again conclude that this still was not where I belonged. Although I recognise that it is highly variable, the regular miss-matches between the expectations from these kind of people on these kind of safaris, and my own inability and unwillingness to deliver said experience, contributed to the further evolution of my perspectives. 

No matter how much I try, I cannot be as pedantically discerning regarding food, luxurious amenities and silver-service as those who value personal comfort and being treated like a celebrity over their own receptivity to nature’s magic and willingness to embrace the experience. 

I finally recognised that my need for increased income earned from expensive camps and luxury-seeking guests, was subordinate to my need to be authentic in facilitating an experience congruent with my own essence. The next puzzle-piece was discovered! 

This was a bitter pill as it did not align with my perceived avenue to financial security.

Fortuitously I have also had the privilege of meeting many adventurers with mutually aligned values which have generously supported me over the years. They come in all shapes and sizes from all walks of life and disparate income-brackets…but they all share a sense of wonder and gratitude for nature and a willingness to render themselves vulnerable to her magic. People who engage with an attitude not of taking from, but of being receptive to the generous gifting, of nature. You are the ones enabling me to live my dream, as David Whyte says, providing a “house of belonging” to this misfit of a guide! 

I sincerely thank you from the depths of my soul.

Any attempt at “prestige”…I’ve come to recognise would be an absolutely inauthentic facade and disservice, not only to who I am and what I stand for, but also my guests. 

I am herewith acknowledging that going forward I am resolutely committed to only pursuing what is aligned with my authenticity…even at the expense of my perceived prestige or fortune.

This is my truth…for better or worse…

It is fascinating to see how one can ignore your DNA for some time in pursuit of an illusion…but in the end, we are who we are.

Coming to terms with, accepting and embracing our own personal fundamental essence, can be equally disappointing, scarily unsettling, liberating and empowering.

But this…is where I plant my flag!

May you also find your own essence compelling and sacred enough to relinquish obfuscating facades and, irrespective of where in relation to others…plant your flag.

Yours in authenticity